


Summer at Hogwarts

by duckythefangirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Cute Kids, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I REGRET NOTHING, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, My First Work in This Fandom, Pillow Fights, Remus Is Tragically Adorable, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sick Remus Lupin, Sirius is...Just Sirius, Slash if you squint, Suicide Attempt, Summer Camp, Triggers, Werewolves, Whump, kinda gay, like just a dash of gay, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-04-14 12:38:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4564980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckythefangirl/pseuds/duckythefangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the school year ends at Hogwarts, any student is allowed to stay during the summer for as long as they like. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black stayed into the summer during their years at Hogwarts. Once they graduate, Professor Dumbledore hires the two of them to help take care of the stragglers. </p><p> </p><p>Inspired by a Potter themed theater camp I used to go to as a kid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooo!
> 
> So, if you have read my other fic as I wrote it, you know I'm kind of slow to update. I promise there will always be an update eventually, unless I specifically say that I'm abandoning it--which I don't plan to do. However, if you're ever feeling desperate for an update, comments and kudos do tend to motivate me to write and speed me up a bit. I'm not really sure where the story is going, so I guess we'll see how the story progresses together. There will probably some dark stuff here, so I'll update the tags and give warnings in my notes. I'm excited to see where the story goes.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!  
> -duckythefangirl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey duckies!  
> Just wanted to let you know that I've just updated this fic and changed it from first person to third person, so let me know if you see any pronouns I've missed.  
> Finally, the last chapter will be out soon.  
> Enjoy!  
> ~duckythefangirl

As a child, Remus spent a lot of time over the summer at Hogwarts. Sometimes his parents just couldn’t have him around during the full moon. So he would spend a few extra months at Hogwarts, maybe go visit the Potters for a few weeks, and then go home to his parents. He knew they had sacrificed so much for him. Even as a child he knew that he had to do whatever they needed of him, whether they asked or not. They told Remus he could come straight home from Hogwarts, but he knew they needed the extra time.

And it wasn’t like being at Hogwarts was torture. In fact, it was brilliant. Sure, it could be lonely. But most of the time, Sirius was there with him, escaping his abusive pureblood family. While they were there, they ‘learned’ a bit. Which wasn’t really learning, but fun activities based around academic subjects. Some of the more empathetic professors stayed to take care of the lingerers, sometimes Dumbledore would hire former students to take up the summer job. As with the rest of Remus' life, it wasn’t bad. Except for the week of the full moon, of course.

 

A few years after he graduated from Hogwarts, Dumbledore hired Remus to be one of those ‘bored and broke young adults’ to take care of the kids. And to his surprise, his immense surprise, Dumbledore had hired Sirius too. The first few weeks went brilliantly, but the inevitable full moon crept up faster than anyone had expected.

“Remus? Remus, wake up!”

“Ah, bloody hell-” Remus opened his eyes, expecting Sirius and James to be the ones jumping on top of him, but quickly realised the offenders to be the Gryffindors he was in charge of, “I mean, uh...”

“Golly darn, Remus, that doesn’t sound like something you should say in front of the poor second years. Such foul, odious language they couldn’t possibly have heard anywhere else,” remarked a smirking Sirius on the bed beside Remus', also just waking up.

“No one tell McGonagall I said that, deal?” Remus announced, rubbing his eyes, “Wait, why are you all here anyway? You know that this is the Counselor’s area,” He looked at the open door leading into the Common Room. This ‘Counselor’s Area’ was really nothing more than an enchanted closet, but privacy was still a value of Remus'. McGonogall had worked her magic (literally) to make the room bigger on the inside, with two beds, two end tables, and a small bathroom stuffed into it.

“You didn’t wake us up like you usually do, Remus, and it’s time for breakfast,” Matthew, the one sitting on Remus' chest yelled into his face. He looked up at the clock. He was right. Remus groaned. Sirius laughed.

“Alright, alright. Budge up, both of you,” the two second years, Matthew and Arie leapt off of Remus' chest and to their feet and he followed. Well, almost. He started to get up when his muscles screamed and demanded he sit back down. His morning haze had caused him to forget what week it was. He should’ve realised when he didn’t wake up on time. Remus took a deep breath and eased back into the mattress,“Padfoot, would you take them to the Great Hall for me?”

“Rem? What’s wro--Oh. Of course. I’ll take them down and be right back up,” he slid a shirt and a pair of trousers on and proceeded to lead the group of Gryffindors out of the room.

Remus crawled back under his blankets and curled up in a ball, and tried to relax. The tremors came painfully and violently every few minutes for about a half an hour, and the pain only got worse if he fought against them.

“Moooony, I’m ho-ome!”

* * *

 

 

After leading his merry band of misfits down to the Great Hall, Sirius spoke to McGonagall about Remus (but of course she already knew), and ran back upstairs, not wanting his poor Moony to have to suffer alone. It was nice, not having these halls crowded with other students, other boring, bumbling, normal students who Sirius, personally believed should have been kissing the ground that any Marauder walked on. They were, after all, practically celebrities from their third year on. But now, they’re not there. There was no Lily Evans and her posse of beautiful girls, no Snivellus-fucking-Snape to worry about pranking. It’s a simple life Sirius lived, just him, Remus, and a clan of baby Gryffindors that followed them around. Well, only some of them were babies. There were a few older ones, whom Sirius have been trying to instill his Marauder-ous beliefs in. They weren’t very good as proteges.  

“Buttered biscuits,” He told the Fat Lady, and the portrait swings open, “Moooony, I’m ho-ome!” He shouted into the common room and darted to their little room located under the stairs to the student bedrooms.

“Sirius,” he moaned, thrashing against the mattress, twitching under his bedspread, “Sirius, it hurts.”

“I know, Moony, I know. We’ve done this before, you’ll be okay soon,” Sirius crossed over to his bed and let him clutch onto his hand with a near death grip, “You know, this is just like you being in labor. You’ve got the ‘contractions’ every few seconds and-”

“I know, Sirius, you’ve made this joke hundreds of times before along- _gah_ -along with the period jokes and everything else and you really need to come up with some better jokes, you absolute wanker,” he hissed between gasps and twitches.

“Yes, but it’s comedy, dear. James would understand,” He mumbled and Remus snorted into his pillow.

“Oh, James this, James that. _Agh_ -Am I not good enough for you, Sirius Black?”

“Remus, really, there’s no need to be dramatic about it. You’re always like this. Every fight we have is caused by your dramatics,” He laughed, pushing Remus' slightly sweaty hair back from his forehead, “I am a perfectly fine husband.”

“Fine? What kind of a- _nngh_ -of a husband leaves all the responsibilities to the other? You never do anything for me, never cook, or clean, or take care of the children.”

“Darling, please, we can’t fight. Think of the children,” He smiled, squeezing his hand. Remus thrashed violently and whacked his head against the headboard, “Ooh, Moony, that looked painful. Are you alright?” Sirius pulled his head into his lap awkwardly, “This is just a friendly notion, I swear.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Remus grumbled, squeezing Sirius' hand even harder.

“ _Who_ is the terrible husband here? Swearing in front of the children, Remus, it’s a pity how much you’ve changed since we met,” Sirius wiped away a fake tear from his eye and frowned down at him.

“I hate you.”

“Oh, I know.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey duckies,
> 
> Sorry for the terribly long delay. Have a large chapter for your troubles.  
> Thanks for reading, and as always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> -duckythefangirl

As the worst of the first-day tremors subsided, Sirius helped Remus up. Remus moved to the sink to wash his face and attempted to comb his hair. Sirius got dressed, looking much better with the ‘just rolled out of bed’ look than Remus thought he, personally, ever did. Padfoot threw clothes in Remus' direction. He shoved shoes onto his feet and shuffled to perch on the bed.

“Ready to go, then, Remus?” Sirius grabbed the others' arms and started helping him up. Right then, Remus would have rather curled up under the covers and read a book, but he knew he’d have plenty of time to do that over the course of the week.

“Right,” Remus mumbled, allowing him to pull him out of the common room, “What are we doing today, then?”

“Potions and Quidditch. I think. Then we go to Hogsmeade, then we hang out by the Lake, and we come back for supper. I guess? I usually just ask you,” Pads slid an arm under his and helped Remus down the countless stairs.

“Yeah, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to ask you,” Sirius grunted as they climbed down the last few steps. Once we entered the Great Hall, breakfast was winding down. The Hall looked very different over the summer than it did during the school year. Instead of the four House tables in the center of the room and the staff table at the head, there was a large round table where everyone sat together for meals. When there weren’t at meals, the table was moved for use in other activities. They sat together at the two empty chairs next to the rest of the Gryffindors, and Remus grabbed what was left of the toast while Sirius munched on the last strips of bacon. Remus was expecting for the kids to ambush him with questions, but they were currently preoccupied by food.

“Mr. Lupin,” Remus jumped at the voice of Professor McGonagall, dropping his toast in his lap (at which Sirius sniggered), “How are you feeling?”

“Professor,” He gasped, trying to cover up the fact that he had just dropped toast all over himself.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” She set a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Most other students would think it strange, but McGonagall had always been extremely kind to Remus over the years, despite the ‘group of young men he associated with’.

“I should be fine, I always am,” He felt his cheeks flushing red as Sirius started snickering again.

“Feel free to take any days off this week. I’m sure _Mr. Black_ here could use a few days of working for himself instead of relying on colleagues,” she stated, shooting her infamous glare to Sirius, who went silent.

“Thank you Professor, but I’ll do my best to get through the week,” He chuckled in Sirius’ expense.

“Alright, Remus. Good to chat with you, as always,” she squeezed his shoulder slightly  and she turned and strode away.

“You disgust me, Moony,” Sirius grunted into his bacon, “All these years, and we still haven’t rubbed off on you.”

“Oh, shut up,” Remus looked over at the young Gryffindors, all finished with their meals, starting to get riled up, “The kids are getting impatient, we’d better get going.”

“But Remus,” Sirius looked at him with wide eyes and stuck out his lip dramatically, “I haven’t finished my bacon and it’s all your fault.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Remus got up from the table, trying not to knock his long legs against one of the Hufflepuff Counsellors’.

“Stupid kids. What am I even doing here? Why am I so broke, Moony?” Sirius whined, getting up after him.

“Because you have awful spending habits but nothing to spend, Pads. Would you call them? I don’t really want to yell.”

“Oi! Gryffindors! Come over here, we’re going to Potions,” Sirius turned to him, looking concerned, before pulling him over and forcing Remus to lean on him for support, “You’re shaking, Moony.”

As the kids started getting up from the table and came over, Remus' earlier predictions of questioning children  proved correct.

“Hey, Remus! Hey, hey, hey, Remus!”

“Remus, where were you?”

“What happened?”

“Are you alright, Remus?”

“Why were you so late?”

“Okay, okay. Sorry I was late. I haven’t been feeling very well,” Remus crouched down and hugged a few of the kids who were crowding around his legs, “Are you all ready for Potions?”

“Alright, give Remus some space,” Sirius huffed, helping him up. They had the Gryffindors line up behind them and they looked over to see the other houses lining up too. But as Remus looked away, Sirius kept looking, “Moony? Is that who I think it is?”

“Hm?” He pointed at a Slytherin counsellor with long, black hair and a moderately large nose, “Severus, you mean?”

“What’s he doing here, the Pureblood arsehole?”

“Padfoot, _you’re_ a Pureblood arsehole. And watch your language. Do you want to get caught by McGonagall?” With that, they started leading the kids to the Potions classroom whilst Sirius acted like a drama king, as per usual.

“But this was supposed to a brilliant summer filled with fun and mischief and adventure, Moony. With Snivellus here, how are we supposed to follow through with our Marauder-ous activities?”  He loudly proclaimed, and Remus snorted at him, rolling his eyes.

“This isn’t _our_ summer, Padfoot. We’re getting paid to do this. Snape too, apparently,” Remus sighed exasperatedly at the sight of Sirius rolling his eyes, “He’s really not all that bad, you know.”

 _“NOT ALL THAT BAD?”_ Sirius stopped in his tracks, causing an oblivious fourth year to bump into him, “Moony, what has gotten into you? What the hell are you thinking? As a Marauder, you are supposed to, no, you _must_ absolutely _loathe_ Snivellus Snape!”

“Oh sweet Merlin, save me,” He mumbled as he ranted about anything and everything Severus had ever done.

“...And I swear, if you ever say anything like that ever again, Remus John Lupin, I will hunt you down and...and...I’ll bite you! Right on the arse!” He exclaimed, playfully and gently pushing Remus.

“Sirius, save it for the bedroom, dear,” He answered back sarcastically.

“That’s not what I meant. You _know_ that’s not what I meant,” Remus opened his mouth to give him another witty retort but he immediately glared at him, “And don’t you dare say anything else involving dogs and sex, or Remus, I swear you’ll regret it.”

“Alright, I think that’s quite enough of being awful role models for the moment. The Potions classroom is right here anyway, where were you going, you twit?”

“Shut up. I was distracted,” he hissed, holding the door open for the kids to wander through.

The activity in Potions was using some sort of pellets made by the Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans company to make edible, yet bizarrely flavoured potions. The children were having loads of fun, while Sirius and Remus supervised to make sure none of them caused enormous explosions or killed themselves.

As their Potions session wound to an end, they started to clean everything up.

“Remus! I dare you to drink my potion!” A second year boy named Elliott rushed up to Remus with a vial in his hands.

“Yeah Remus,” Sirius chuckled, “We triple _dog_ dare you.”

“Come on, Remus!”

“Remus! Remus! Remus!” the classroom erupted in children (including Sirius) screaming Remus' name. His head had already been throbbing from the stress of the morning and at this point, he needed the noise to stop. So he decided to let his ‘inner Gryffindor’ show.

“Oi, alright! Okay, okay, fine,” Remus raised his hands in surrender, rolling his eyes at Sirius. The vial was forced into his hands. He unstoppered it and peered inside. The liquid was thick, and bubbling slightly. He looked over at Sirius, who seemed to be absolutely losing his shit, so Remus took a deep breath, squeezed his eyes closed, and took a swig.

It was probably the worst thing he’d ever tasted. He struggled to keep it down, because he never wanted to taste it again. But if he spit it out the kids, if not, Sirius, would’ve made him drink it again.

“Remus, your face is _priceless_!” Sirius was bent at the waist, holding himself against the table, about to fall onto the floor. Remus tried to stop himself from using foul language in front of the kids, but it was almost too much.

“Oh my-eugh-this is ridiculous,” He coughed, sticking his tongue out, making the kids erupt in laughter, “Nope, nope, nope, how is this even possible? Eugh, ggh, urrrgh.”

“No Remus, stop, please, I can’t breathe,” Sirius gasped, clutching his sides.

“It’s _disgusting_. Oh Merlin, it gets worse! EUGH, I need water,” Remus groaned, grabbing his bottle of water from the table with their belongings and gulped it down, relaxing as the revolting taste dulled down.

Sirius’ and the kids’ laughing was starting to quiet, and Remus smiled a bit in my own expense.

“Alright, alright, let’s pack up and get ready for Quidditch. And next time let’s humiliate Sirius, yeah?”

X

Once they were well on their way to meet the other houses at the small Quidditch field near the Great Lake, the mini Gryffindors and Sirius started running and scampering around while Remus strolled behind them casually. Normally, he would’ve given Moony a hard time, but considering it was the week it was, he cut him some slack. At the moment, he seemed okay, smiling at Sirius and the kid slightly as he fingered the thumb-holes in his sweater. Sirius looked away from the kids to smile at Remus, and he rolled his eyes, speeding up a bit to catch up, so he slowed down a bit. Sirius slung his arm around Remus' shoulders, and he groaned in mock-disgust. Or maybe it was actual disgust. Sirius hadn’t taken a shower for a while and his hair was pretty greasy. Yeah, Sirius would’ve groaned if he were Remus. The young Gryffs had nearly reached the field but stopped and waited for Remus and he before entering.  Ravenclaw was already there, on time as usual, and one of the Ravenclaw Counselors was splitting the houses up into the teams based on age. Remus and Sirius went to sit in the front row of the bleachers.

“You doing alright?” He asked him, seeing him slump against the bench behind them.

“Just tired, Pads,” he sighed, tucking his legs under him, “Just tired.”

But he knew it was more than his level of energy. He’d had mental health issues the entire time Sirius had known him, and he could just look at him and know he was becoming more and more unsteady.

Sirius wrapped his arm around Remus' shoulders, knowing he don’t have to say anything to let him know that he knew and that he was there for him.

“You know, your left eye seems to be having a seizure,” Sirius joked, pointing out Remus' sporadically twitching eye.

“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” he groaned, rolling his eyes.

They watched the the game, and the more it went on, the more Remus sank into Sirius, which wasn't really the most convenient, as he was quite a bit taller than him, and he couldn't keep his friend's lanky legs from sprawling all over the stands. Despite the screaming and yelling students, he completely passed out. Under different circumstances, that would’ve been extremely dangerous for him. The endless amount of mischievous options were practically unbearable, but Sirius couldn’t do that to him. Not now, at least.

The match went by relatively quickly, as the small amount of older students were pitted against the much larger population of younger students. The teams dispersed back into their houses and gravitated to their counsellors, all probably hungry and ready for the cooler castle temperature. And as children do, when they see a sleeping person, their first instinct is to attempt to wake said person.

“Oi, give him some space,” He told the approaching kids, probably a little too forcefully, “Moony, hey, wake up, mate.”

His brow crinkled slightly and he mumbled something against my shoulder. Sirius shook him a bit, and his eyes slowly opened.

“Padfoot? Wha-” he bolted upright, before realizing where he was, “Uh, sorry, I-”

“Oh, shut up, Moony. Let’s head to lunch.”

x

The rest of the day went by faster than expected. Remus napped through lunch, then they feasted unnecessarily on Honeydukes candy (chocolate mostly), Sirius messed around with the kids at the lake while Remus read his book, and soon enough it was suppertime. Since they’d had more than the technical serving size of Honeydukes, neither Remus or Sirius were very hungry, so he let Remus escape to the common room while he took care of the Gryffindors.

Once he’d gotten the kids wrangled and into their appropriate rooms Sirius headed back down to the common room where Remus was reading in his favorite chair.

“Hey Moony,” He flopped into the chair next to him, hanging backwards over the arm to look at him, “Whatchya reeeadiing?”

“Muggle book,” he started to explain, “It’s weird how they perceive magic. And I know it’s cliche, but it’s literally so close and yet so far. Their myths are-”

“When I ask you what you’re reading, I don’t want a fifteen minute presentation and summary of the book. You can just tell me the title, you wanker.”

“Fine. It’s called The Lord of the Rings. It’s very good,” he replied, rolling his eyes before looking back down at his book.

“Judging by the size of it and the tiny text, it looks like an absolute _thrill_.” Sirius joked, poking Remus obnoxiously on the arm.

“I hate you. I’m trying to read.”

“I know. I’m trying to annoy you enough to make you laugh. You should know this. It’s been years, mate.”

“I know, Padfoot. It’s been much too long,” he flipped a page and stuck his bookmark in, “I’m going to bed, I suppose. It’s been a long day.”

“Oh, alright. I’ll probably join you. It’s later than I thought,” Sirius helped him up, and he stretched before following him to their room.

He groaned as he flopped into bed, throwing off his jumper and his trousers, and pulling on his pyjamas before crawling under the covers.

“Night, Pads,” he mumbled into his pillow and he heard him curl up.

“Night, Moony,” Sirius replied, casting lumos over his Quidditch magazine, but realising he wasn’t in the mood to read, so he decided to just go to sleep.

X

“Remus?” Something was shining light in his face, “Remus?”

“Mm,” Remus grumbled, opening one eye to see Cecilia, a first year whom Dumbledore had let come to Hogwarts early because of a difficult home life and for being very talented in magic, “Oh, Cecilia. What can I do for you?”

“I-uhm, this is kind of embarrassing, but I had a nightmare and I can’t sleep,” He could see her face blushing red in the wandlight, “Sorry to bother you, I-”

“No, no, it’s fine, really. What were you dreaming about?” Remus wrenched himself from the pillows and into a sitting position, making sure to keep his voice down as not to wake Sirius.

“My parents,” She whispered, looking terrified.

“Alright, I have an idea. Whenever I want to take my mind off of...something I read a book. Come here,” He held his hand out to her and she took it, small fingers trembling very slightly. So slightly that if Remus hadn’t already known what it felt like to frequently wake up from terrifying nightmares, he probably wouldn’t have noticed. He lead her to a sofa in the common room, The Lord of the Rings in hand. Once Remus had settled, he motioned for her to come sit next to me and he began reading.

As time passed, Cecilia became more comfortable, settling into Remus' side, and he became more and more lazy in his reading, his voices for each character starting to slide into each other, diction and pronunciations starting to slip. Before he knew it, one of them was asleep, and the other went shortly after. Who was who, Remus could not remember, but he knew he was exhausted, and the sleep came as a wave of refreshing relief.

Remus woke with a jolt. forgetting what was happening. As soon as he opened my eyes, he remembered waking up in the common room after long nights of studying throughout his seven years before realizing coming back to reality. He was terrified of waking Cecilia, who was leaning heavily onto his chest. The only sound in the room was the echoing ticking of the grandfather clock near the fireplace.

“You’re a pathetic softie, Moony,” came the sleepy voice of a just-awakened Sirus, “For seven years we pranked and terrified tiny first years like her, Remus. Seven years.”

“I don’t know if you’d noticed throughout these seven years, but I’m not nearly as immature as-” Remus paused, feeling a stab of pain in his lungs that took his breath away. He sat there for a moment, grasping the arm of the sofa, hearing the patter of Sirius’ feet hurrying towards him.

“Remus,” Sirius hissed, clutching Remus' shoulder as he struggled to breathe. The previously light head of Cecilia seemed like it weighed a ton, “Here,” he offered, lifting her off of his chest gently. Remus gasped, struggling to sit up to be able to breathe, “Breathe, breathe,” he pushed him into a sitting position and Remus wheezed, trying not to wake Cecilia, while also feeling like he had just endured a Dementor’s kiss, “You’re okay Moony, you’ll be fine. just breathe.”

Remus wanted to scream, but he couldn’t, so he slammed his face into Sirius’ shoulder in frustration.

“Remus?” the small body shifted against his side.

“Sorry--Ce--cilia,” Remus managed to say, “I--didn’t mean--”

“Is he okay?” she asked Sirius

“He’ll be fine,” he answered, picking up The Lord of the Rings and handing it to Cecilia, “Here. Would you mind heading upstairs? You can read this Nerd of the Reads or whatever it’s called,” he smiled at her, letting her know he had been joking, “We need a little privacy, okay? I’ll come get you all later.”

She nodded and ran off, huge book in hand.

“Sirius-” Remus hissed, desperately wanting to just take a deep breath without choking on his lungs.

“I know. I’m sorry. You’re staying here today, yeah? You’re practically dying, mate.”

“Just for--a while. I’ll come--down later,” He leaned back, trying to find some way to sit that would finally allow him to breathe.

“Alright. But don’t push yourself. Really, Moony. I know you. Relax and take care of yourself.”

x

A few hours later, and Remus felt terribly guilty about sitting in the common room and reading while Sirius had to work all alone. The shortness of breath came and went, and he had been feeling just fine right then. That changed as soon as he started his trek down to the Great Hall.

At first, he sort of just panted a bit.  But once he got to about two thirds of the way there, he completely could not breathe. His legs gave out and he just sort of allowed himself to fall to the stairs and put his head in his hands.

“Damn,” He gasped to himself, leaning against the railing.

“Lupin?” Remus failed to hear the footsteps coming toward him. He looked up to see Severus Snape standing on the step below.

“Severus,” He wheezed, ready to see him walk away because of Remus' association with Sirius.

“Are you alrigh-Oh,” Remus saw realization pass Severus' face and he sort of hovered, looking as if he wasn’t sure whether he should stay or go. A few years ago, Sirius ‘accidentally’ told Severus that Remus was a werewolf. As a prank. Apparently. Remus wasn’t angry about it. Anymore.

x

“Dumbledore wants to see us,” Sirius informed Remus, head down like a dog with his tail between his legs.

“What? Why?” Remus panicked, having just gotten over a particularly hard full moon. However, it was the week of O.W.L.s and he had to catch up on his studying for the days he had missed. He was in the common room, his work sprawled around him. James was standing behind Sirius, arms crossed, looking disappointed at him.

“Uh. Something...happened,” Sirius explained, or failed to explain.

“Great, Sirius. Thanks,”  Remus sighed, and stacked his books and papers and shoved them in his bag, “James? Going to let me know what’s happening or…”

“No. Sirius will tell you,” he stated, pushed up his glasses, and made a face.

“Well. Moony. Old boy. Mate. Fellow-Marauder. Friend of many years. It’s really nothing. Nothing very important. Nothing at all,” his face blushed, and his long hair fell in front of his face. James rolled his eyes and whacked Sirius on the shoulder, “It’s just that, well, I may have… Accidentally on purpose told Snape to go to the whomping willow the other night because he was being an insufferable piece of sodding troll shit and he actually did it and I’m sorry please don’t be mad at me,” he exhaled his last sentence in a breath.

“Oh, yes. Ha ha, very funny. Just tell me, will you?”

“No, mate. He’s not joking,” James stated seriously.

“No,” He was shocked. He didn’t know what to say.

“Remus, I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry,” he bit his lip, looking as upset at himself as I’d seen him in a long time.

He shook his head in disbelief, “You wouldn’t do this to me,” Remus denied quietly, running a hand through his uncombed hair, “You know, I don’t think I want to talk to you about this right now. Uh...Let’s just go see Dumbledore, then.”

The walk to the headmaster’s office was tortuous. He was absolutely terrified, thinking of so many, too many, ways to experience his expulsion. All because he had for once, for bloody once trusted someone with his deepest secret. Sirius fucking Black no less. Remus wrung his hands nervously, purposely walking faster than Sirius, James, and Peter.

Once he had gotten to the office (a good ten feet ahead of them) he hurriedly walked up the spiral staircase, trying to stay as far away from them as possible. There were five chairs stationed around Dumbledore’s desk, Severus already sitting on one of the two end chairs. Remus took the other. Normally, Remus would have greeted him, but he doubted he had anything decent to say to Remus at the moment. Remus awkwardly rub a cut on his arm, rustling through his bag to grab the book he was reading to occupy him while waiting for Dumbledore and to ignore everyone else.

Sirius, James, and Peter shuffled into the room, muttering under their breath. They took their seats just about as awkwardly as he had, but he didn’t bother to look up from my book.

“Good afternoon boys,” came the voice of Dumbledore from the balcony above us, “I do hope you’re having a lovely weekend.”

Silence.

“Why yes, thank you, my weekend is indeed going well. Now, we do have an unfortunate topic to speak about, now don’t we?” he declared airily, walking down the stairs, robes swishing around him as he sat in his extravagant chair, “Before we begin, I would like iterate that you, Mr. Lupin are not in any sort of trouble at all-”

“But Professor, this _monster_ nearly _murdered_ -”

“Mr. Snape, do not interrupt me or the consequences will be greater than they are currently. Anyhow, the events that occurred last night were unacceptable. Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin has trusted you with this secret and I’m sure he is very disappointed in you for betraying that trust. You also endangered Mr. Snape’s life, which as I’m sure you can imagine is a very serious issue.  Now, I could suspend you from Quidditch, but as a fellow Gryffindor, I think that might be a bit severe. As for you, Mr. Snape, you very much need to mind your own business. I will have you know that Mr. Lupin is under my complete protection. Under no circumstances will you tell anyone about his condition. Your and Mr. Black’s conflicts with each other need to end, therefore your punishment will be detentions together with various teachers for the rest of the year. Now, Mr. Pettigrew, I greatly appreciate you alerting me of the problem, and for that, there will be less points taken from your house. Finally, Mr. Potter. What you did in light of your friend’s mistakes was incredibly brave and responsible of you. I have had you in this office many, many times and all of them were not for good things. You’re surely maturing, James, and you’re growing into a good young man,” Remus could practically feel James cringe at the compliment and Sirius coughed, trying to hide his laughter, “You are all dismissed. Mr. Snape, Mr. Black, I will see you tonight to construct a detention schedule. Mr. Lupin, please stop studying and report to the Hospital Wing. If you take the O.W.L.s and are not satisfied with your score because of this week’s conflicts, I will permit you to retake them. However, I’m sure your score will be very satisfactory. Have a good night, boys.”

x

“Lupin, uh, where exactly are you going?” Severus asked and Remus felt his robes swish as he crouched down next to him, “Or rather, where are you trying to go?”

“At this point,” Remus heaved, “Hospital Wing.”

“Oh, erm, is it...is it bad?” Severus seemed flustered. Remus coughed in a reply, “Do you need help or…?”

“Yes,” Remus gasped, relieved he wasn’t going to leave him alone on the stairs.

Severus weaved an arm under his and helped him to his feet. The trip was awkward, considering Remus had been in a friend group that practically tortured Severus through their seven years of school and Remus stumbled down the stairs, nearly falling onto Severus more times than he wished to admit. By the time they’d gotten to the ground floor, Remus needed a break. They stopped just outside of the Great Hall and he propped himself up on the wall, hands braced on his knees. Severus stood across from him awkwardly as he heaved, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Remus?” Remus looked up, as the voice he heard was far too high to be Snape’s. It was a very kind and intelligent fifth year Gryffindor girl, Jamie, “I heard you weren’t feeling well. I can see that. You really should get to bed. I hope you feel better soon,” she smiled, waved, and walked into the Great Hall.  

“Uh, would you like me to fetch Madame Pomfrey?” Snape asked uncomfortably.

“Yeah I...I don’t suppose I’ll make it,” Remus panted, sliding down the wall, putting his head between his knees.

“Hang on then. I’ll be right back,” Severus rushed off, robes swishing around him. Remus closed his eyes and focused on breathing, choking on a few too-deep-breaths.

“Remus, dear, long time, no see. Tough week, is it? Here,” She hoisted him up, and he stumbled to his feet, “How are James and Lily? Last I saw of them, they were very close. It’s amazing how much they bonded in a year. And Sirius? He’s always been very handsome. Is he still bopping around from girl to girl or is he finally settling down? Or Peter? He surely is a polite, well-mannered young man. And what about you? Have you found someone or are you still sticking to your trusty books? Oh, I can’t believe you boys won’t be causing trouble around here anymore. I’m going to miss having you around here monthly. You’re always such a joy to talk to,” She continued talking to him, trying to distract him, “So are you and Severus getting along now? Despite the House difference, I really do think you could be good fr…”

Her words felt as if they were miles away as he stumbled down the hallway. He tried not to lean too heavily on her, as he was much taller than she was. Suddenly, the edges of his vision darkened and his knees were shaking. Remus tried to take a deep breath, but the lack of air had become too much. As much as he struggled against it, he collapsed to the ground, darkness blanketing his mind.

X

“Remus. Wake up. Wake up you awful, stupid prick,” Remus shifted, “Oi, I’m talking to you, Moony.”

He groaned, eyes fluttering open, “Sirius. Sirius, I hate being a werewolf,” he moaned quietly.

“Well, Remus, my good friend, we wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t decided to overwork yourself. Eugh! I don’t understand why you’re so damn stubborn. You should’ve just stayed in the bloody common room. Did you think getting down here would just be a peaceful stroll? And actually being there? You think no one would’ve noticed anything? I know you just want to help, Remus, but fucking hell, would you just take it easy for once?” Before Sirius could realise it, he had raised his voice. Remus had turned his face away, and I frustratedly knew I had upset him.

“I...I’m sorry, Sirius. I thought-” He started coughing hoarsely, lurching off of the bed.

“Never mind. It’s fine. Do you want to come back to the Common Room with me or shall I get you in the morning?” Sirius decided to leave it for when he wasn’t a few days away from a full moon.

“I’ll come with you,” Quietly, he pulled the sheets off of himself, shakily placing his feet  in his shoes on the bedside floor.

They checked in with Madame Pomfrey and made the trip upstairs. Once he’d helped Remus into bed and exhaustedly flopped onto his own, he kicked off of his boots and sighed.

**“Goodnight, Moony,” Sirius spoke into the darkness. But he was already fast asleep.**


	3. Chapter 3

Since I know the next chapter is going to be a hell of a long one and will take me a while, I wanted to post this Marauders sketch I drew.

I couldn't figure out how to embed this (or even if you can on archive yet) so here's a link.

https://instagram.com/p/8t_aPpAFJA/

 

*Caption*  
Our last Christmas at Hogwarts was was the best by far. Even though Peter's Mum wouldn't let him stay during the holidays with James, Sirius, and I, he was still able to communicate with us through Floo. After opening gifts and having a great Christmas breakfast, there was a huge snowball fight until we were all wet and freezing. On New Years, Pads and Prongs got as drunk as I'd ever seen them, and my fast metabolism (and my apparently superior common sense) allowed me to watch the hilarity ensue. James and Lily snogged, while Sirius kissed seven people. Including me. All in all, our holiday break was amazing, if a little too short.  
-Moony


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ducklings, long time, no see.  
> Again, sorry for my delay, but here you have it; another chapter.  
> This chapter contains self harm, severe depression, attempted suicide, and mild gore. If any of this could trigger you and you still want to read the chapter, contact my via comment and I will get you a revised version.  
> Anyway...Enjoy!
> 
> -duckythefangirl

     There was a wretched sound coming from the loo. Sirius glanced quickly at the clock. Too early for Remus’ morning routine, the noise was obviously more than Moony being a klutz in the adjoining room. Groaning, he kicked the covers off and tied his hair back. After shuffling across the carpeted floor, he slowly pushed open the bathroom door to see Remus collapsed against the toilet, legs curled up beneath him.

     “Shite, Moony,” Sirius rushed to his side, crouching next to him. His body lurched and horrible choking sounds escape his throat. He vomits into the toilet, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. He pulled Remus’ hair back from his forehead, feeling the sweat clinging to his hair and the immense heat radiating from his brow, “Fuck, you’re hot.”

     Remus groaned, resting his forehead against the cool porcelain of the toilet. Sirius quickly grabbed a cloth and ran it in cool water, pressing it onto the base of his neck and rubbing circles into his back.

     “Sirius,” he moaned quietly, voice hoarse. “I know, Remus, I know. You’ll be okay. It’ll be over soon.”

     He continued to vomit off and on over the course of the next hour and a half, so Sirius held his hair away from his face and rubbed his back in a hopefully soothing manner. Eventually, it was time to get the kids up for the day. “Moony, I have to get the kids ready. Do you want me to help you back to bed or would you like to stay here?”

     “I’ll uh,” he paused, heaving over the toilet, “I’ll stay.”

     “Alright, Remus. Is there anything I can do for you before I get going?”

     “No thanks,” he whispers, his voice weak. “I’ll try and check up on you later. We’re going to Hogsmeade again today. Maybe I could bring you that chocolate you like? But I dunno if that’ll be good for your stomach though. I’ll bring some and we’ll see,” He rambled, feeling awful about having to leave him on his own, “I’m really sorry I can’t stay, mate.”

     “I know, Sirius. Don’t worry about me,” he curled up against the wall next to the toilet and shut his eyes. Sirius squeezed his arm and stood up. He grabbed him a blanket, a glass of water, and his book and set them on the counter next to him. “Get some rest then, Moony.”

X

     The sounds of the children getting up and Sirius corralling the children were kind of relaxing and distracting. There are several ‘where’s Remus’es and ‘is he okay?’s, which made him smile a bit despite the pain. However, the voices died down eventually, and he was left in silence, curled up in the corner. Sitting there, he couldn’t help but remember the last time he’d felt this awful.

     It was a few weeks away from the end of his sixth year and he’d just gotten over one of the worst moons of his life--the wolf had broken out of the Shack and had nearly gotten into Hogsmeade. Remus had felt bad before, and he had a plan for when it became too much. That night, it was more than too much. The bathroom door was locked and the room was warded with the best protection spells he knew. His note was written, his goodbyes were said. He was ready. For hours, Remus had been sobbing, feeling all of his pain at once, crumbling over the thoughts of his friends and family and their reactions. He eyed his wand and the silver dagger on the counter, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it yet.

     Disgusting. Remus couldn’t even kill himself correctly. Angry, he slammed his fist into the wall and let his head follow. Monster. He was a monster. The world would be much safer and better off without him. He was stalling, wasting time he didn’t have left. The clock on the wall said he didn’t have much time before his absence was noticed. It was now or never. Remus wanted to go out as quickly and easily as possible, because he couldn’t take any more pain, so he reached for his wand. The only thing Remus was worried about was his stupid werewolf healing and a wand’s faith to its master. That’s why he had the silver dagger. It was the backup plan, the only definite way to end his life. His hand was shaking intensely, and he had to stop and steady himself so he wouldn’t do the spell incorrectly. He pointed his wand at his chest and took a breath.

     “Sectumsempra,” Remus whispered, his wand twitching defiantly in his hand before he felt gashes slice into his body. His torso is covered in them, but he could immediately tell that it wouldn’t be enough. The cuts were tiny (although a few were deep), and the blood was thin and minimal, “Fucking hell.”

     Remus wanted to scream, but bit his lip hard and banged his head against the wall. He threw his wand onto the ground and grabbed the dagger. In a flash of rage and pain, He sliced the blade into his wrists and chucked it across the room.

     “Moony? Are you in there? Are you alright?” Sirius’ voice appeared outside the door.

     The blood was everywhere.

     “Remus, come on, let me in,” He knocked.

     In a way, the red liquid was beautiful.

     “I’m getting James,” There were quick, soft footsteps running in the opposite direction.

     It contrasted with the otherwise clean, white floor.

     “Merlin, Sirius, what’s happening? Remus? What’s wrong?”

     Bright, red liquid versus the sharp, white ground.

     “Come out, we can talk through whatever’s happening.”

     Hot, sticky red blood on the slick, cool floor.

     “Remus, please?” James attempted to open the door.

     There was nothing in the world he wanted more than to be gone. For it all to finally be over.

     “Damn. I’m getting Lily. He’s got fucking good wards up,” He heard footsteps quickly leaving, and another pair joins them when they return.

     The edges of my vision are starting to blur and darken, thankfully.

     “Remus,” Lily’s crouched next to the door, her robes swishing around her. Her voice is gentler, quieter, caring, “Please. We can help you, we can fix things. Open up.”

     He refused to say anything and ruin hiy already spoken last words, last goodbyes. IHe’d be gone soon. They wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

     “Get McGonagall,” she muttered in the other direction, “I’ll try and take the wards down before she gets here, but he's way better at spells and enchantments than I am.”

     Two pairs of feet sprinted out of the room and the swishing of a wand and Lily’s cursing just outside the door. At this point, he could only hope that he would bleed out before they found McGonagall and brought her here. Judging by the pools of blood spreading around his wrists, he was nearly there.

     “Remus,” There’s a thud on the door, probably Lily’s forehead, “Please, come on. We can fix this. Whatever’s happening, we can get you through this. Please.”

     He closed his eyes, feeling faint, and welcomed the encompassing darkness. Tears steadily rolled down his face, splashing on his body, sometimes stinging the open cuts. There’s a broken sob outside the door. He thought it belonged to him, at first, before he realised where it was coming from. He hadn’t wanted to advertise his suicide, hadn’t wanted to bother anyone with it, but he supposed Lily deserved more.

     “Lily,” He grunted against the door, voice weak and trembling, “Please don’t cry.”

     “Remus! Remus, we can talk through this. Open up, it’ll be okay,” Her voice is two times stronger than his was, reassuring, calming, kind as ever.

     “I just want to make sure you know this isn’t your fault. It’s mine. No one can be blamed for this but me,” Remus was amazed by how calm he was, how he unexpectedly didn’t break down, “It’s too late for me, Lil. But it’s okay. I deserve this.”

     Lily started talking again, but Remus couldn’t hear her anymore. He closed his eyes, feeling like he was disconnected from the world. Just Remus and the darkness... A noise startled him from his haze a bit, but it was still muted and far away, so he didn’t think much of it. But suddenly, light interrupted his darkness, and he was completely shaken back into reality.

     “Mr. Lupin!” McGonagall appeared in the doorway, calling his name, looking shocked and terrified, “Remus? Remus!”

     Remus scrambled backwards, tears streaming freely. She and Lily started to move towards him, trying to help him up, to stop him.

      “No, please,” He moaned, struggling against them, limbs too weak to do any damage, “Please.”

     He pushed and flailed, begged and sobbed, losing his strength quickly and steadily. Before he knew it, the darkness was closing in again, and as much as he tried to fight it, it overcame him, McGonagall’s blood stained robes echoing in his mind.

x

     There’s an enchanted bed in the hospital wing that keeps students from hurting themselves or others without having to restrain them. Remus had been in that bed three times in the seven years. The first in his fourth year, Sirius had infused chocolate with a potion that caused his limbs to flail uncontrollably for a few hours. The second was a year later. He’d gotten extremely sick. So sick that the wolf had been affected and came out a bit in his behaviour. Remus didn’t remember most of it, He had been hallucinating and in a serious drugged up state for the majority of his days. The third time was That Day.

     Remus’ eyes blinked open, and it took a bit to remember what had happened, where he was, and the fact that he was supposed to be dead. The darkness of the Hospital Wing was deceiving. It provided hope that he could be gone, but reminded him of the devastating failure he’d endured. The lack of will to live and disappointment of still being alive hit him like a wall. A cry of anguish died in his throat, strangled and hopeless. Tears poured down his face, and when he reached up to his head to clutch his hair, he was met with an invisible force gently tugging back his hands.

     “Remus?” He hadn’t noticed Madame Pomfrey appear at the bedside, “Thank heavens you’re awake, love. We’ve been so worried. I’m...I’m so sorry.”

     She reached for his hands, pulling them from mid-air, holding them reassuringly in hers. Remus felt worse than before. He was never supposed to be here.

     “I’ll make some tea and crumpets. If you want to talk about...it, we can, or we can just chat about unrelated topics. Then you’ve got to take a few potions and you should get some rest. You’ll have a long day tomorrow. I’ll only be a mo.”

     She left and came back fast enough that he hardly noticed.

     “Remus Lupin, I swear I’ll get some meat on your bones if it’s the last thing I do,” She smiled sweetly, setting the platter on the bedside table and un-doing the charm on the bed, “Do you need help sitting up?”

     Remus shook his head, swung his legs over the edge of the bed, and unexpectedly had to steady himself because of sudden light headedness. Apparently, the cuts on his torso were deeper than he had thought. He was shirtless, with bandages covering most of his chest and wrapped around his wrists.

     “You really did some damage there, love,” Pomfrey poured cream into both cups and sugar into one. She passed him the cup without sugar and a crumpet on a napkin, “Do you want to...talk about it?”

     Remus took a deep breath and looked up from my bandaged wounds, “What is there to talk about?” He asked so monotonously it might as well be a statement.

     “I dunno. Anything. It might be nice to rant and get everything out there without fear of judgement or rumour spreading. And I may be able to help somewhat.”

     “I...I suppose. If you think it’ll help,” For years, Remus had wanted to tell someone, anyone, and let everything out, but whenever he’d gotten close to telling someone, he hit a wall and he couldn’t...he just couldn’t get the words out, no matter how hard he tried, “It’s just...I can’t do this anymore. I know I’m a monster, I know the Ministry’s stance on werewolves, I know what I am and I have to live with this, I have to keep this secret, like a bloody monster under the bed. I’m capable of so much horror, so much cruelty and violence and murder and there’s next to nothing stopping it. What’s the point? If I do make it through school, I won’t be able to hold a job, won’t be able to make a living, to ever be normal again. I’m a bother to everyone, I do much more harm than good, my life and all the work put into it is wasted. I can’t,” Suddenly, I felt the wall come crashing down, and something deeper within cracked, spider-webbing like glass. He clenched his fists, feeling the pain of each wound, and let the tears fall, let the sobs rack my body, “I just can’t.”

X

     “Moony? Remus?” Sirius crouched down and put his hand on Remus’ cold, sweat soaked back, “You seem a bit out of it, mate. You’ve been in here for hours. I’m taking you to bed, yeah?”

     He shifted his balance and hoisted Remus’ slight weight into his arms, feeling his half-conscious fingers curl into his shirt. The trip to the bed was short, and once he’d gotten him there, he tucked him under the covers and placed a rubbish bin beside the bed. Reaching out, Sirius smoothed Moony’s hair back and turned to leave, before hearing him mumbling.

     “The Great Marauder, Messr Padfoot, turns out to be but a lowly housewife,” Moony’s green eyes seemed greener against his unusually pale skin. “Oh, anything for you, dearest,” He smirked, giving his hair a final ruffle, “Go back to bed.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, ducklings! We're finally done!  
> Thank you for all who have read it and left kudos, I hope you've enjoyed it.  
> -duckythefangirl
> 
> [For any of you who've been waiting for it, the It's Chaos sequel is the next thing I will be working on]

It was much too early in the morning when Remus woke up, but the pain raging throughout his body forced him to be conscious and stay that way. 

 The day of the full moon had always been the worst, without a doubt. That day of the month, the shite from the entire week all accumulated together and hit him like a wall. Thusly, he layed there, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t want to move, but there was an awful weight on his chest that kept him from breathing and didn’t budge. Gasping for breath, he heaved himself upward, trying to force his lungs to work. He didn’t want to wake Sirius, but the coughing that was starting to overcome him would be hard to keep quiet. Remus heard him starting to rustle, and saw the blurry shape of a light being turned on beyond his squinted eyes.

“Remus? ‘S that you? You alright?” He stumbled out of bed, and soon, his warm hands were on my shoulder, “Ah fuck. It’s today isn’t it? I could’ve sworn it was tomorrow. You know I’m bad at that maths shite.”

Remus might’ve laughed if he could’ve stopped coughing, 

“Hospital Wing, then?” 

He mumbled an agreement and painfully attempted to wrench himself into a sitting position. The pain hadn’t been this bad in years. 

“Let me help you,” Sirius rolled his eyes, reaching wrapping an arm around Remus’ shoulders insistently. 

“No,” he refused through gritted teeth.

“Shut up, Moony," He pulled him up quickly and gently, which was unbelievably painful, but probably better than doing it slowly. Remus gasped for breath, leaning his weight on Sirius. Pulling his legs out from under the covers, Remus settled his warm feet on the cold floor, and hoped his knees would hold him up. “That’s probably a bad idea, mate. Get on my back.”

“What? No.”

“Just get on my back, you selfless prat.”

“But…” Remus protested a bit more before struggling to lift himself up and wrapped his arms around Sirius’ neck, “Fine, you stubborn prick.” 

Sirius grabbed onto his thighs, lifting him up. He laid his head against Sirius’ back, concentrating on his breathing and trying to force the pain to the back of his mind. It seemed like Sirius was trying pretty hard to make the trip easy for Remus, as his strides were smoother than usual. Without noticing it, Remus closed his eyes and drifted away.

 

X

At first, Remus was carefully trying to hold his own weight to be helpful as usual, but soon enough he turned into dead weight, and his breath steadied. He nestled against the back of Sirius’ neck, providing warmth, yet also sending goosebumps down his spine. The Hospital Wing couldn’t be close enough, as the trip was frustratingly longer as a result of their slow pace. 

Regardless, they got there eventually. Madame Pomfrey took one look at each of them and smiled, before pacing over to help Sirius with Moony. They settled him down in his normal bed; the one furthest away from the door in a corner, next to two windows, and blocked off with a few curtains. Sirius left him with his book and a chocolate bar, before heading back up to the Common Room to rustle up the kids. 

 

x

 

Looking up at the sky, Sirius knew he had just enough time to get back down to the Hospital Wing in time to take Remus down to the Shrieking Shack. He smooth-talked a Hufflepuff Counsellor into watching the Gryffs for him, sprinted down the corridor from the Great Hall to the Hospital Wing, and nearly ran face-first into Pomfrey. 

“Mr. Black, just who-” She began, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“We don’t have time to chit-chat, Pomfrey, I’m late as is. However, I’m flattered-”

“Black, Remus doesn’t want you to be with him tonight. Based on his symptoms this week, he knows it’s going to be worse than usual and doesn’t want to put you in any danger.”

“That’s complete rubbish and he knows that. Come on, please.” 

“I won’t allow you to go against his wishes. Besides, don’t you have young Gryffindors to look over?” She gave him a stern yet sympathetic look, removing her hand from his shoulder.  

“Fine, Pomfrey. You win this time,” Sirius turned on his heel and dashed back up to the common room. 

He thanked the Hufflepuff Counsellor and tried to avoid the inevitable conversation involving her looking all doey-eyed at him for no reason. It was girls like this that made Sirius miss Lily and her refusal to ever fawn over James, let alone any other boy. Once he’d pulled himself away, he gathered up all of the kids and sat them down together before they had to be in their bedrooms.

“So you all know that Remus hasn’t been feeling well, so we are going to surprise him tomorrow to make him feel better. Here’s the plan…”

 

X

 

Remus hadn’t gone through a transformation alone for years and he had completely forgotten how violent the wolf was without something to distract it. The sun streamed through one of the small, warded windows and into his eyes.

His body felt broken, and every ragged breath tore him apart even more so. The air was cold against his naked body, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up and retrieve his clothes. Luckily, he had woken up near the bed, so he weakly pulled the old, dusty duvet down and allowed it to unceremoniously fall over him. He didn’t notice the dark black dog waiting in the corner. It raised and cocked its head, before raising up onto his hind legs and transforming into a rugged, long-haired, handsome young man. 

“Moony? You awake?” Sirius’ face appeared above Remus’.

“Sirius? What...what are you doing here?” He blinked up at Sirius, brow furrowing, “I told you...not to come.”

“I didn’t. Really Remus, if you didn’t want me to be here as soon as the sun came up, you shouldn’t have told me not to come. Honestly, I would’ve hoped you’d know me well enough by now. Do you want to head back up to the castle?” He asked, sounding fluffy and far away.

“I s’pose,” Remus mumbled, slightly overwhelmed by pain. The trip was kind of a blur, Remus felt soft warmth wrapped around his body, and the floor beneath him disappeared. Normally, he would have put up a fight, but he was hardly half-conscious. There was soon a cool breeze on his skin, and a few light drops from the morning drizzle.

“Almost there, Moony,” Sirius’ muffled, distant voice came again, echoed by clicking of footsteps on a stone path.

A breath hitched in Remus’ chest as he felt the swift change from the chill and damp to the dry and warm. He felt his foot knock up against something solid and soon enough, the kind, familiar, although distant voice of Madame Pomfrey entered his line of hearing. 

“Sirius Black, what do you think you’re doing?” 

“I followed your instructions precisely. I didn’t go last night, I stayed here. All I did was go this morning.”

There was an audible sigh coming from Pomfrey, and Remus could just imagine Sirius rolling his eyes.

Soon enough, Remus was transferred from Sirius’ warm arms to his usual soft, welcoming hospital bed. 

There was a blur of Pomfrey; thick, disgusting medicines, tightly wrapped bandages, and healing injuries. The smaller, not self-inflicted injuries began to heal, though Remus could feel the self-inflicted injuries slowly healing. He tasted blood, and realised his right canine poked in a bit to a cut in his lip,  As the pain dulled a bit, he leaned back and closed his eyes.

“Remus...I know you’re probably going to hate this question, but it’s serious, all right?” Remus felt the bed slouch and Sirius’ form next to him, and a warm hand tighten around his colder one.

“All right, Padfoot,” He muttered in reply, opening his eyes. 

“What’s been going on with you? Why has the moon been so much rougher on you? It hasn’t been like this for years, Moony,”

Remus’ heart dropped. He’d been dreading this conversation for weeks.

“It’s...it’s nothing, really. I-I mean, how would I know? It’s strange. Maybe just a bad moon I suppose, I don’t really, I just dunno.” Remus stuttered nervously.

“You’re a terrible liar, Moony.”

“I resent that,” Sirius’ statement wasn’t exactly true. He could lie easily, a side-effect from hanging out with the Marauders, but not about anything this important. Remus took a deep breath and decided to tell him, “I’m trying to ween myself off of Wolfsbane.”

“Why the fuck would you want to do that?” He sounded more confused than angry, thankfully.

“I’m moving out of my parents’ house, so I won’t be able to afford it. It’s not that I don’t want to be with them, it’s more that I’ve been a burden for them for so long.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’ve been disowned. What little inheritance you do have shouldn’t be spent on me. See, now you’re unnecessarily pissed off about it. This is why I didn’t tell you,” Remus closed his eyes again.

“Well...You’re right. But, no one in my family wants our old apartment. You and I could move in together. That way we can split rent and everything and you’ll be able to afford Wolfsbane, if not, a knockoff version of it,” Sirius explained, and Remus could just hear the eye-rolling in his voice.

“You don’t have to do that. I’ve got to learn how to take care of myself sometime. And I’ll have to find somewhere to-”

“Bloody fucking hell, Remus. Just accept my love, you stubborn fucker,” He groaned.

“Fine,” Remus answered through gritted teeth, “Arsehole.”

“Same to you, dear,” Sirius chuckled, “Well, I’m going to go take the kids to breakfast. I’ll be back later and bring you some food.”

 

X

 

With a bottle of Butterbeer in one hand and a bar of Honeydukes chocolate in the other, Sirius lead the Gryffindors down the hall and left them outside the Hospital Wing doors for the moment. He had to sneak the Butterbeer past Pomfrey, as he may or may not have had added one or two shots of Firewhiskey.

“Moony, catch,” Sirius called out as he tossed the bottle into Remus’ hands.

Remus sat up cautiously, leaning heavily on his uninjured arm, and opened the bottle. Sirius set the chocolate bar on the bedside table and sat at the foot of the bed. He smiled as Remus unknowingly took a swig of the spiked Butterbeer and winced.

“You know I’m not to mix alcohol with my potions,” Remus scolded, but laughed carelessly.

“What’s life without a little risk?” Sirius grinned, before standing up again,  “Hold on just a mo.”

He quickly walked to the door and let all of the Gryffs in. The younger ones ran in and jumped up on the bed, laughing and giggling. Sirius laughed along with them, enjoying the pure surprise on Remus’ blushing face. He had spilled his drink a bit on his chest, and quickly bottled it and set it aside as the kids’ excitement grew.

“What happened, Remus?”

“We thought you were sick.”

“Are you okay?”

“Are you coming back soon?”

“Remus, we’ve missed you!”

The kids were starting to get a bit rough, bouncing up and down on the bed. He saw Remus visibly winced as Matthew bumped an injury.

“I wasn’t feeling well, so I was coming down to the Hospital Wing. I don’t really remember exactly what happened, but I fell down the moving stairs,” Years of lying about the full moon clearly paid off for Remus, he could come up with a cover story in a split second.

For a moment, Sirius had a strange moment of memory. As he looked at Remus laughing and smiling, he remembered moments in their seven years at Hogwarts. The moment they met on the Hogwarts express in their first year, figuring out Remus’ secret in their second year, their innocent mischief and mayhem in their third year, plotting their animagi plan in their fourth, sneaking out on full moons and creating the Marauder’s Map in their fifth, being complete arseholes in their sixth year, and finishing off strongly in their seventh. It had been a good run. 

During Sirius’ moment of remembrance, Remus noticed Sirius’ staring. He cocked an eyebrow, smiling, before promptly getting hit in the face by a flying pillow from a nearby bed. The momentary look of surprise on his face was priceless. Suddenly, there was a pillow in Sirius’ own face. Once he looked back up, Remus returned his gaze, laughing guiltily.

“Viv la Gryffindor!” Sirius shouted in reply, grinning as he grabbed a pillow and hit a grumpy looking sixth year in the back of the head.

In the midsts of the intense battle, Sirius realized that though there had been some struggles, but that summer had truly been a summer worth remembering.

 


End file.
